Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. + Titus 2v3-5
In Paul’s letter to Titus he goes to great lengths to show how the gospel of Jesus Christ trains believers for godliness. In Titus 2v3-5, Paul specifically shows how the gospel trains women for godliness. We live in a world where feminism is loud and gender confusion is growing. I do not expect non-Christians to live like Christians; that’s not what I’m after. This is to encourage professing Christian women to let the gospel train them into biblical womanhood.
Gospel-Driven Behavior
Verse 3 begins by telling us what the behavior of older women is to be. It says that older women are to be reverent in behavior. Now while Paul is specifically exhorting older women here, this characteristic is not confined only to older women. As older women model reverent behavior, they are an example to younger women, and to all Christians, both men and women, on the type of behavior all Christians are to exemplify.
Before we go any further, let’s define what Paul means when he speaks of “older women.” In New Testament times an “older woman” is one who was beyond the age of child-rearing responsibilities. So 50’s, 60’s and beyond. This is a specific mission of discipleship for older women. When saints grow old in the church, they are not to fade off into the background and confine themselves to hanging out in the senior adult class. Older women specifically have a definite and vital role to the life and health of the church. We need older women who faithfully pursue this mission of discipleship in the church. A flourishing church is one in which older women are on the forefront of active disciple-making within the church. What a help and a blessing older women are meant to be to younger women in the church.
So what does it mean to be reverent in behavior? The dictionary definition of reverent is this: “feeling or showing deep and solemn respect.” I love that word “deep” because it implies that there has to be some deep-seeded roots in a person in order to have this respectful and reverent behavior. From a biblical perspective this is absolutely true. What women are to do and be is profoundly and deeply theological. Older women need theology. They need it to live this way and to have this reverent behavior. This type of living is rightly produced by theology. And more specifically by the gospel. Without a deep theology of the gospel rooted in the soil of a woman’s heart this type of behavior and lifestyle doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t happen without Jesus. And in fact, to have this type of behavior without a deep theology of the gospel is hypocritical, because this is the type of life that the gospel produces.
Paul goes on to tell us more of what he means by reverent behavior. He says in verse 3 that older women are not to be slanderers or slaves to much wine. So he says positively to be reverent in behavior and then negatively, don’t be a slanderer or a slave to much wine. So these negative commands give us a more full understanding of what it means to be reverent in behavior.
So older women – and again they are an example of what all Christians, men and women, young and old, are to be – are not to be slanderers. What is slander? Slander is speaking falsely, whether fully or just partially, about someone in a way that is damaging to that person’s reputation. Similar to gossip. Many times people characterize slander as a sin of the tongue. And I understand what they mean, and in a sense that is true. However, slander is fundamentally a sin of the heart. So to fight against slander, we must bridle our tongues and learn to exercise self-control in that area – but that can’t just be it. To truly fight against the sin of slander we must recognize where it originates from. And like all sin, it originates from our own hearts. Slander is a sin from the heart, which simmers on the mind, and works itself out of the tongue. When we rightly understand slander in this way, it gives this sin much more weight and gravity. Slander is something that comes out of us when we let negative thoughts and feelings about someone simmer and boil within us. When we see slander come out of us it is revealing that there is a much deeper sin issue going on within us. When we commit slander we have sinned long before we spoke the words. This of course isn’t a sin that is exclusive to women, men are guilty here as well. But the fact that Paul specifically addresses it in relation to women is revealing that this is something that women in particular are tempted toward. Christian men will often give extra care to guarding their steps in the area of sexual purity because that is a particularly strong temptation for men. And these sins that come out of the tongue, may need special guarding against for women.
Another reason that Paul points out slander here is because the Cretans were known as liars – this was a huge issue going on around the immediate audience of Paul’s letter to Titus. Slander is a form of lying. Tune into to the news today and you’ll see slander everywhere you look. This is an issue going on in our culture today as well. This is a way in which we can stand out from our culture, by fighting against slander within the church. To control the tongue is to show great wisdom and self-control. And to truly conquer this sin we must give our hearts, minds, and tongues up to Christ. All sin is conquered in Him.
So Christians, and older women in specific, are not to be slanderers or slaves to much wine. This reminds me of Ephesians 5v18, which says, “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.” The point there is that as Christians we are to be controlled by the Spirit, we are to walk in the Spirit. When someone is drunk it affects and controls the way that they think, act, talk and walk. And we are not to be controlled by alcohol, but by the Spirit of Christ that is within us. So the point here in Titus is to live a life of reverence which is a life that is not dependent on, or addicted to alcohol.
Wine must not be a crutch – something that you run to for escape. A lot of times older women can have a lot of stress in their life – and the temptation can be to run to alcohol for a little escape. Paul’s language here implies that if wine becomes that for us, then we become its slave. In that case, it takes the place of Jesus. If alcohol becomes a crutch for us – something we need – what we really are desiring and needing is Jesus, and instead of filling up on Jesus we go to wine to fill us. But in Christ, we are not slaves to wine – we are slaves to Christ. Jesus has set us free from the slavery of sin, to be slaves to Him.
Women are to be reverent in behavior. Which is a life of deep respect. So a biblical definition would be a life of deep respect for God. So Paul touches on these two things because slander disrespects others and drunkenness disrespects yourself. They both disrespect God and contradict the gospel.
The Responsibility of Older Women
The end of verse 3 says that, “they are to teach what is good.” In keeping in step with the theme, thought, and flow of Paul’s letter to Titus, what is this “good” thing that they are to teach to the younger women? Verse 1 of Titus 2 says, “teach what accords with sound doctrine.” That’s what is good. Older women are not just to give life advice on motherhood, being a wife, etc. to younger women. They are primarily called to constantly be chit-chatting about the gospel with younger women. They are constantly to be teaching them grace and all that the Lord has called them to be. What women are called to be and do, is first and foremost, immensely theological. Being a good wife, or a good mother, or a good single woman, apart from the gospel of Jesus Christ is vain and meaningless. Without a rooted-ness in the gospel and a pursuit of Christ, it doesn’t matter how well you perform these womanly instructions. Being a Proverbs 31 woman is not primarily about being an incredible home-maker and help meet to your husband. It is without question, primarily about the gospel of Jesus Christ being anchored deep in your heart and transforming your life.
For women who sometimes might put their identity in being a wife, or a mother, this gospel application is what older women are to constantly be teaching to younger women. Your primary identity as a woman is not a wife or a mother. If you make that your identity, your life will come crashing to pieces when you no longer have that. Ladies, your primary identity is being an adopted daughter in the Lord Jesus Christ. You are an heir to the Kingdom of God! That is who you are if you are in Christ. This gospel application to a woman’s identity is an example of the kind of gospel chit-chat that women in the church are to constantly be teaching one another.
So older women are to teach what is good, and in so doing, they are to train the younger women. We must get that! That is a vital connection. The teaching of gospel truth and the training in womanhood are not isolated commands. They are absolutely connected at their core. You see gospel teaching, gospel chit-chat, gospel truth, is the very thing that trains women into womanhood! It’s not “teach what is good AND train.” It’s “teach what is good, and SO train the younger women.” A good way to understand the connection is by saying it like this: “Teach what is good, and IN SO DOING train the younger women.” Right theology is the very thing that trains younger women up into womanhood. Ladies, what you do as women is profoundly theological and meaningful.
So older women are to train the younger women in the gospel. But this isn’t just for older women. If Scripture commands older women to teach and be an example to the younger women, that implies that younger women are to listen, respect, and take heed to the instruction of the older women. The duty of younger women to listen and return respect and reverence to the older women is implicit in this command. This doesn’t mean that younger women in the church have to obey every piece of advice from another older women, but it does mean that the older women are taken seriously, they are listened to with reverence, and what they have to say should carry some weight to it. To shun older women, and likewise young men to older men, is extremely unwise and foolish. It is a blessed design God has for the structure of the local church. Think about it – the structure itself has grace built into it. The way that God designed the church is a means of grace for us. So when we butt up against God’s design and try to bend our way out of it, in a sense, we are shunning the grace of God that He has given to us in a practical way. So younger women are to listen to the older women, and be coachable, if you will.
Love Their Husbands and Children
Verse 4 says, “and so train the young women to love their husbands and children.” First off, I like the word “train” for several reasons. One of which is because it implies that these commands are not easy or natural. It implies that obedience to these things takes some practice. The gospel works out these spiritual muscles of obedience in us. The idea of training implies a continued effort, a continued working out. It also implies imperfection, failing, and falling short sometimes. But we continue to let the gospel train us in obedience and godly living.
I love that Paul includes this in the list of things that older women are to train the younger women in. Take for example an older woman, say in her 60’s, and say she’s been married for 30 or 40 years. That woman has gone through a lot of life with her husband. Say they had several kids. That woman has gone through the entire journey of raising kids with her husband – think of all the things they have been through in 40 years – ups and downs. Someone like that who has been committed to her marriage has so much to teach younger women who haven’t been married for as many years and who haven’t completed the child-raising process. She has the perspective of looking back on 40 years of marriage, whereas the younger woman has just what is in front of her. I believe that’s Paul’s intention in writing this here.
A good application of this would be that when a younger woman goes through a rough season of life where she feels like she just wants to give up on her marriage or schooling her children, instead of gossiping about it with friends of the same life season, go to that older woman in your church who’s been through the thick of it. Go to her for wisdom, encouragement, and training in those areas. This is another reason we need our church family – so we can be around each other, learn from the older saints among us by watching and listening. Now at the same time, we don’t want to put older saints on a pedestal that’s not meant for them. Older saints can fall too. If we look to them for perfection, we will be disappointed. Only Jesus can fill that space. This may be a more sad way to look at, but we can also learn much from the mistakes of older saints. So it’s not just the successes that older woman can train the younger women in. Older women can teach the younger women from their failures and help the younger women to avoid those same sins. And you know what? That provides so much grace for the older women. Because whether their life is generally marked with success or failures, they are able to train the younger women with wisdom, whichever side of the spectrum they are on. So if you’re an older woman who has lived a life ridden with failure after failure, you’re not exempt from this command to train the younger women. We can learn from your example in obedience AND repentance.
Self-Controlled
Verse 5 continues, (train the younger women) “to be self-controlled.” Most sins are committed because of a lack of self-control. Practicing self-control can prevent so many heartaches from sin. This is such a wise virtue to practice. In verse 3 we saw that older women are not to be slanderers or slaves to much wine. Self-control combats both of those sins. Self-control is often a sin that younger Christians struggle with the most. It takes some practice. More seasoned Christians should display self-control more often. They can teach us much in this area.
Purity
The next thing in verse 5 is purity. This is a beautiful portrait of womanhood that Scripture is painting for us. Again, the gospel has the ability to train younger women in the area of purity. This isn’t just a portrait of womanhood here. This is a gospel portrait. Ephesians 5v25-27, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” The church, though we are a rag-tag group of sinners who have been saved by Christ, will be made pure and presented to Christ without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that we might be holy and without blemish. The bride of Christ will be presented to Him as pure. The gospel gives our purity meaning.
Work in the Home
Verse 5 continues. Older women are to train the younger women to work in the home. Again, older women have so much wisdom and advice to give in this area. They’ve spent years doing this. Older women can be such a blessing, help, and encouragement to younger women who are learning how to do this.
In the area of working in the home, there has been a lot of negative feelings about this. A reason for that is because people have laid down their own man-made laws on what this is supposed to look like. There is no one way that this looks like. Working at home can look a million different ways. It never looks exactly the same. So many women are burdened because they are told that it has to look this one way. I believe there is so much freedom in how this command works itself out. So we want to encourage and help and give advice in this area, and yet not lay down additional laws beyond scripture. Also, for a younger woman who is receiving advice on different ways to be a good worker in the home, just because someone gives some good suggestions and advice, does not mean that that person is laying down a non-negotiable law. We should strive to believe the best in people when we are having these conversations. We want to afford ourselves lots of grace in this area when we are having home making conversations. Lots of grace will go a long way in this area.
Now, the command to work at home doesn’t necessarily prohibit working outside the home. But it does indicate that the primary, non-negotiable responsibility of a woman’s work is to be in the home. And of course this isn’t talking about simply the four walls of the home, but the principle of home-work. We have the classic example of the Proverbs 31 woman. She was incredible entrepreneur for her home, outside the four walls. She was an incredible economist and manager as well. She was smart, intelligent, a real move-maker. So the idea of working in the home means that anything that a woman does outside the home, must not inhibit her work in the home. That’s the key. So lots of grace and lots of diversity in this incredible responsibility.
Kind
Verse 5 continues. Older women are to train younger women to be kind. This is the kind of women that the gospel creates – kind women. What Jesus has done for us to save us from our sin and condemnation, is the most kind act that can ever be done. Women who have experienced the kindness of the gospel are kind women. I believe Paul also includes this in this list because some women have a tendency to not be kind to other women. The gospel of Jesus Christ destroys that. Women are not just to be kind to their husbands, but to one another. It’s also interesting that Paul lists kindness immediately after “working in the home.” It’s as if he knows “working in the home” can be a hotly debated subject. It’s as if he’s saying, “Be kind to one another in this area.”
Submissive to Their Own Husbands
Paul finishes of the list with being submissive to their own husbands. This isn’t an easy thing, even for Christian women. It’s not easy because it goes against our sin nature. Again, the gospel itself is the very thing that trains women to be submissive to their own husbands. Submissiveness does not mean “be quiet and do what your husband says.” That’s not biblical submission. There is an extremely practical reason God designed marriage this way, among many other reasons. When you’re married and decisions need to be made, the husband and wife talk and discuss it with one another. Ideally they come to an agreement on what decision needs to be made. But when they come to an issue where they cannot agree, or if the husband believes that a certain decision must be made and the wife is just not quite sure. Then when decision time comes, it is the wife’s responsibility to be submissive. That’s just one practical application for this. Being submissive is also the attitude and demeanor of kindly following your husband’s leadership. It’s letting him lead and supporting his leadership.
This is absolutely a gospel application. Supporting and submitting to your own husband is a way that reflects the gospel. Submissiveness is a direct model of Christ and His submission to the Father at the cross. Wives reflect Christ in this way that men simply cannot. What a glorious honor to display a portion of Christ in this way women have.
I just want to briefly acknowledge that we live in a very feminist culture. And they hate this. I don’t want to spend time talking about feminism, but I want to quote John Macarthur on the matter. He says this, “The ideas of radical feminism were an integral part of ancient Babylonian and Assyrian mythology as well as of Greek Gnosticism, which flourished throughout the Roman Empire during New Testament times and posed a constant danger to the early church. Modern feminism is neither new nor progressive; it is age-old and regressive.” Let that encourage you that our biblical way of life, is not at all threatened by today’s feminism. We’ll be fine. So don’t worry when you’re attacked by feminists today. Christ is on the throne. His truth will endure.
That the Word of God May Not Be Reviled
The last phrase at the end of verse 5 is so important. It anchors this entire section down. This is the main purpose that this text gives us for the meaning of womanhood and women’s discipleship – “that the word of God may not be reviled.” We show that we honor the Word of God and God Himself, by living our lives and structuring our lifestyle according to His Word. Men and women who reject God’s Word when it comes to gender specific commands, revile God’s Word by not living according to it.
Do you know what the definition of revile is? Here it is: “To criticize in an abusive or angrily insulting manner.” That is a strong word that Paul uses. The King James Version uses the word “blasphemed.” This is not a small thing. When we do not live our lives according to these commands, in effect, we are criticizing God in an abusive or angrily insulting manner. That’s a dangerous road to tread down.
This phrase at the end of verse 5 brings us full circle back to verse 3 which says, “Older women are to be reverent in behavior.” In our obedience to these commands we show reverence and honor for God and His Word. Living our lives this way shows respect for God.
Radical Obedience
In mainstream Christian culture people often talk about wanting to something great for God. Some great big thing. People often talk about living radically. Or taking some big leap of faith in the dark to prove our love and dedication to God. People often want to do something radical to prove their dedication to Christ! Here’s something radical: live according to God’s commands for men and women as revealed in Scripture. Do you want to live by faith? Instead of taking a leap into the dark, live according to these commands – it’s not a leap in the dark – because that’s not what God has called us to. It is clear – it’s written out in black ink! This is what it means to live by faith, to believe that God’s Word is true and best for us, then living our lives according to what the written, known Word of God is! It takes much more faith to simply obey the clear will of God for our lives, as revealed in Scripture, than anything else. Living according to the sufficiency of Scripture is to live by faith! Show me a woman who loves her children, works in the home, and is submissive to her husband, because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I’ll show you a woman who has real faith! Let’s have more of that.
J.D. Greer says this, “Gospel change is best evidenced not by flamboyant religious ritual but in integrity, humility, kindness, self-control, patience, and consistency of character.” That’s living by faith – everyday faithfulness.
How do we live in a way that shows a radical love and obedience to Jesus? By structuring our lives according to these gender specific commands. It grabs attention. It demands an answer. Our answer is that the grace of Jesus Christ has ripped us from our sins and is training us to live Godly lives according to Scripture because the righteousness of Christ has been freely and graciously given to us.
Battling Perfectionism
When it comes to these instructions for gospel-driven womanhood, many women may struggle with perfectionism. You may think that you have to do these things perfectly or else you can’t do them at all. Don’t listen to that lie. The gospel rebukes us here. The gospel declares that we can’t do these things perfectly. The gospel outs us as dirty, filthy sinners. Don’t worry about being perfect, the cats out of the bag – you’re not perfect, you can’t be perfect, and everyone already knows it! Christ is perfect and He’s the only one. He was perfect for you. So for you to idolize perfection and fall victim to perfectionism is to try and put yourself in the place of Christ! Let Him be the perfect one, you be faithful.
There is also the kind of perfectionism where you know you aren’t perfect and you know you can’t be, you just want to appear perfect to everyone else. That’s idolatry. That’s pride. That’s sin. My incredibly smart wife says that, “perfectionism is often driven by an unhealthy desire for affirmation from other women by wanting to be recognized as being the best wife, mother, or home-maker.” It’s an unhealthy desire to be affirmed by other sinners. When you seek that, you are seeking from other people what only Christ can give you. Christ is your affirmation. Jesus is your validation. You are perfectly righteous because Jesus has given you His righteousness. Christ loves you. You can be sure that you are affirmed before the throne of God Almighty because your sins are forgiven and you are united with Christ in His death and resurrection. Don’t go to other women to try and get what only Christ can give you.
So the cure for struggling with perfectionism, or putting your identity in the wrong things, is the gospel.
Womanhood Doesn’t Make You Christian
Living your life according to Scripture is not what makes you a Christian, nor is it what justifies you. This is not what saves you. Women who live like this are not more saved than women who don’t. It is Christ’s living, given to you. It is Christ’s death and taking on of your sin. It is Christ’s resurrection and His choosing of you that saves and justifies you. How could we even think of settling for something so insufficient to save us as womanhood when we have Christ?
Your justification is not in how well you raise your children, work in your home, or respect your husband. Your justification is in Christ alone. It is according to His righteousness given to you – not your successes in womanhood. So when you fail as a wife and mother, or struggle, just know, this is not what justifies your womanhood. Christ does. You can’t live this perfectly. You cannot do these commands in your own power. Your flesh is weak. You need the power of Christ in you to compel you to obedience – and He has graciously granted that to you in Himself.
Why These Commands?
Since we are saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, and not at all one ounce by our works, then why is there so much instruction in the Bible on how we are to live? Why are there so many commands to obey? There are many reasons, but there is one I want to mention. When we are saved, we are given new godly desires, and a heart that wants to obey – while of course still battling with our flesh. So our new God-given affections have to be directed to a proper outworking. So where do we put our new-nature affections for Christ and Christian living? Right here where Scripture tells us how to live and how to structure our lives. When we are converted and our dead hearts are raised from the dead, we need an avenue for our new desires to obey Christ. That avenue is the commands of Scripture. These commands are the avenue for our new gospel-formed desires. Saved people want to obey. Scripture tells us how to.
God’s Design for Womahood
While in one sense obedience is hard and takes training, in another sense, it’s not laborious. God’s design for womanhood, when followed, is a design for maximum flourishing and joy. When you get outside of that, then it does become a laborious load you were never meant to carry. God’s design for womanhood is for joy. For your joy.
Womanhood is not second-rate to manhood. Not for a second is that true. God’s design for womanhood is gloriously meaningful. Womanhood, as we have seen here in Titus chapter 2, is not primarily lifestyle instructions, but it is primarily deep-rooted, gospel-formed, theological living.
God’s design for womanhood is to reflect Himself. That’s massive. God is bigger than the universe – and He designed womanhood to reflect things about Himself. That means that the meaning and purpose of womanhood is bigger than the universe. And we’ve already mentioned several ways in which womanhood reflects God Himself – but you reflect Christ because God’s design for womanhood is perfect, and that reflects His perfection. God’s design for womanhood can remind us and point us to Christ. We don’t just look to womanhood, but we can look through biblical womanhood to Christ – as if it were a window to Jesus.
Christ
Christ, though slandered greatly, never committed slander. Jesus, enjoyed wine without ever being a slave to it. Jesus always taught what is good. Jesus trained his disciples. Jesus loves His bride – the church – and His children, us. Jesus always practiced perfect self-control in so many instances. Jesus is pure – He is the one with clean hands and a pure heart. Jesus even worked for His household – His household of faith – His church. Jesus was submissive to the Father, on the cross. He submitted Himself to the Father’s will, for our sake, that we might be called sons and daughters. So that He might form a people up into Himself. So that He might set our desires straight and present us as holy and pure on the last day.
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