A Better Way Of Thinking About Accountability: Trust And Affirmation


two young men talking behind fence

Having men in our lives who can keep us accountable can be an intimidating thing. It’s uncomfortable letting others into the secret parts of our life in order for us to grow and mature. However, the reality is, having accountability partners cannot be neglected.

Typically, we already know the steps we need to be taking in our relationship with Jesus. We just put it off for later. Our brothers can help us stay on track by avoiding procrastination. And we sure love procrastinating, don’t we?

Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes we need help seeing our blind spots, but most of the time we just need a nudge to do what’s already known. The Spirit usually reveals enough for us to work on if we’re wanting to mature.

Find Trustworthy Brothers

It takes time to find reliable, trustworthy people to depend on for accountability purposes. It takes time because we don’t want to be seen as imperfect and flawed and we have to overcome the temptation to hide the reality that we are.

We all have sin. In fact, John says, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). Everybody sins, but nobody wants to admit it. This slows down the process of finding accountability partners.

Furthermore, it takes time because we shouldn’t just pick anyone for this kind of thing. It’s unwise to be transparent about some sins with someone you don’t know well. That can quickly turn into a bad situation for both of you. It may seem odd to hear this, but I would advise exercising caution in choosing your accountability partners.

Take your time, but find partners as soon as you can. I know that sounds weird, and a bit contradictory, but it’s for our good.

The last thing you need is choosing the wrong people to confess your sins to. Some will gossip; others may be abusive. Some may stumble and be enticed by your own sins. It’s crucial to find brothers who love you and will not use your shortcomings against you. They should be for you, and actually want you to grow.

Find Brothers Who Will Affirm You

Accountability should be more about affirmation and less about drilling each other.

Men are intimidated to confess sins and ask for accountability because they don’t want to be crushed and condemned for their faults.

Think about it: what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word accountability? Do you think about Christians drilling each other with zealous conviction?

We need to view accountability in a new light. By confessing our sins to one another and relying upon each other to press on towards Christ, we should seek to build one another up through affirmation.

Hard truths need to be shared, but encouragement, affirmation, and God’s promises to and for us should follow the truth bombs.

If our accountability is rooted in love, we won’t use weaknesses against one another, but nourish one another in the hope of the glory of God and our true identity in Christ.

What has your experience been with accountability partners? Do you have one now? Have you had a bad one? The truth is, we all need biblical accountability. It is for our good.


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