There are just some subjects that are hard to talk about.
It’s not that it’s too culturally stigmatized. It’s not that it’s too emotional for me. It’s not that it’s embarrassing.
Or, maybe it is?
Maybe it is all those things and I don’t want to admit it to myself. Between you and me though (and this is only between you and me), I kinda think it’s just that I don’t want my mom or sister to read this post.
However, since we’re talking—just you and me here—and I want to be really honest with you, we gotta talk about some stuff…
Stuff like sex, hook-ups, pornography, masturbation and all that stuff. Yeah, the stuff all our “christian friends” just call “lust“.
We have to…
I know that you’re dealing with it.
I know I’m dealing with it; pretty much every single day I’m dealing with it.
In some form or another—and if we want to keep being honest, it’s pretty much in every form—every guy I know is dealing with it.
Here’s the things we don’t say though (besides that we’re all dealing with this), and a few of the things we need to talk about:
- For most of us, we have far more “experience” in these matters than anyone knows.
- We have no idea whatsoever as to what that experience means to us or for us.
- We have no clue how to talk about it.
- We have no clue who would listen to it…
- …or why they would listen.
- …or how they would respond.
- We have no vocabulary about it.
- We have no wisdom about it.
- We have no counsel about it.
- We’ve heard a lot of sterilized advice on the matter… and it’s corny, general, and generally out of touch.
- In reality, we just don’t want to think about it…
- …or talk about it.
- …until we need to, again.
I could go on, but… does this sound familiar?
For most of us, I think, it’s easier to just try our best to not think about it.
The only problem with that is we are human and we go through cycles, mentally, emotionally, and chemically speaking, and to be frank there are simply times that my mind can’t do anything except think about it.
So I don’t think the “ignore it until it goes away” approach can work with this one.
I have and know some stories…
So let me put it bluntly:
I have stories that would make you grimace and feel uncomfortable.
I have stories that would make you think I’m a complete liar.
I have stories that would make you mad — like, really mad.
I have stories that would make you cry.
Some of these are my stories, some are friend’s stories, but they’ve all been things I’ve been very close to.
Often these are “stories” I can’t get out of my head. They affect my soul.
I have an extremely strong suspicion that this is the case for most of us and maybe we don’t even realize it.
So it’s time we talk about it.
It’s time we think about these things purposefully; it’s time we talk about them honestly; it’s time we listen and consider with extreme intentionality.
It’s going to be hard.
And if our moms, sisters, friends, girlfriends, wives or even strangers read or hear what we say as we do this, we’re going to ask they have understanding and empathy because there isn’t a single one of us that hasn’t been a slave to something – probably many somethings.
We’re free now, yes, but it’s so easy to turn our hearts and minds back to what is familiar – even if it kills us.
It’s easy to think we had something we never actually had and to forget and think of it as better than it ever actually was. Like the Israelites being delivered from their slavery:
And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” – Exodus 16:3
So let’s help each other stay focused and face forward.
Persevere through the wilderness.
Do not think this “lust stuff” will provide something for you that it never has and never will.
Persevere through the wilderness.
A promised land is ours!
*From TMM: We will be talking about these matter more around here. Please contribute your voice either in the comments or by writing a post with your thoughts. If you would prefer to write anonymously for any reason, we can make that happen as well. Send a message through the Contact page.