BEFORE THE FIRST DATE
There comes a point in time in every young man’s life when he begins to seriously contemplate the concept of marriage. Of settling down. Of finding the girl.
I remember when that time came for me. I knew it was time. I was ready. God had allowed me to mature and begin the process of moving into spiritual manhood. And I began my quest to find the woman God had planned for me to marry.
Every time I met a girl, the first thing I did was look at her left ring finger to see if she was available. I was on a mission. I was ready to find my wife.
God’s timing and planning was far superior to mine, of course. And when I met Chloe, I instantly knew my search was over. She was the one.
But I noticed an interesting phenomenon. Even after Chloe and I began to date, I still found myself instinctively looking at the left hand of nearly every girl with whom I came in contact. I was not at all interested in what I might find with that glance. But my eyes were trained to look. Because as the saying goes, old habits die hard.
In reality, even though I had been looking for a wife, I was not truly preparing for marriage. In fact, during most of my single years, I lived as if marriage was simply something for which I could prepare later.
But wise and mature marriage preparation begins even before the first date. Because the way you view and interact with the opposite sex does not change once a serious dating or prospective marriage relationship is established.
A magical transformation does not radically overtake every individual at the time a serious relationship begins. The way a man views and treats women will continue. The way a woman sees and interacts with men will persist.
In other words, habits which are necessary for a strong marriage should characterize single persons as well. Because even now, in your singleness, you are preparing yourself for marriage. Some prepare well. Many, however, do not.
A guy who objectifies women in his singleness because he is not serious about marriage creates extremely unhealthy and damaging patterns in his mind which will become increasingly challenging for future relationships.
A girl who turns to social media for the attention she so desperately desires will inevitably struggle to be content with the attention of an individual relationship because she has been training herself to seek the approval of many.
A guy who texts multitudes of girls for entertainment or turns exclusively to female friends for affirmation will struggle to resist the temptation to do so again when he becomes weary or insecure in the future.
A girl who constantly flirts with guys because she enjoys the freedom of her singleness will create tension in future relationships with similar behavior.
Habits like these become increasingly difficult to break when relationships begin. Because how you train yourself to view and interact with the opposite sex will necessarily impact the way that you handle those relationships in the future. Many problems that persist in marriages are planted in the fertile soil of poor preparation during the time of singleness.
Therefore, it is immensely important to recognize that interactions with the opposite sex should always be respectful and intentional. Hearts should be guarded. Wisdom should be sought.
Because the way you view and interact with the opposite sex does not instantly change once a serious dating or prospective marriage relationship is established.
Prepare for marriage in your singleness. Create good habits now.
Even before the first date.
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