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Community Convo: Reflections On The First Few Months Of Marriage

Note: We originally published this as a “HoldFastChats” but we’ve since revised the post as we’ve “re-launched” the series and the format for the chats with a specific, predictable format. We now simply call these “Community Conversations” and you can expect to see more of them between guys on the site. However, they’re definitely different from our #HoldFastChats show.


We recently had to take advantage of the opportunity here to speak with Payte, one of our longest community members, who was recently married and had some great reflections while looking back at his first few months of being a young married man!

And, so we did…

Reflections On The First Few Months Of Marriage

Guys involved:

Some themes of the conversation:

  1. Things enjoyed about marriage.
  2. Things that have been difficult or surprising about marriage
  3. Things you’ve learned about yourself.
  4. Best decision(s) you’ve made together.
  5. Overarching all of it: how things relate to Jesus Christ in his church.

The Community Conversation:

As we converse we talk about intimacy with your spouse being on a whole’nother level of community and union than you can’t experience with your guy friends.

Both are great, but very different as the community with your wife reflects intimacy with Christ, while community with your bros reflects intimacy with your fellow church.

We are “one” with our spouse – not with our bros.

We also talk about one-ness with our spouse. It’s more than just physical. It’s emotional; it’s spiritual; it shows us God’s heart for us. The physical is nice, but the rest is even better!

We talk about some hard things about marriage being the more responsibilities we must take on, but also how this is great. Having a wife, taking care of bills, cleaning the house, meeting her needs, it all grows us up and matures us as Godly men. Thus, we have more to give other people in terms of wisdom, leadership, and personal development and investment.

We comment on how a one-woman man who’s stuck it out over the years and worked hard is highly commendable and we younger men want to ask them questions, spend time with them, and learn from them! It shows they’ve worked hard and been faithful and we will trust them more.

We talk about being like Christ in being full of both grace and truth!

Marriage teaches us about all our issues we have, and we get to work through them by God’s grace!

The most dangerous thing is the man who doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.

Marriage was a wake-up call as far as responsibilities, personal preferences, selfishness, and desires to control things.

Our wives encourages us in our growth but they also illuminate things in our lives that aren’t good – this sharpens us and makes us better.

Also, catch the best decision Payte and his wife have made together (hint: it involves money)!

They have made a super respectable plan and effort with their finances, and it’s a great example for many! Don’t miss the advice on this part!

It is radical in our culture – it’s insane! – ‘Why!? You don’t have to! – but it’s the best decision I’ve made with her.

I want to be a good husband, and that requires saying no to a lot of things so I can provide for her and our kids later!

Payte also serves up some final thoughts on wisdom, community, and living life in your church.

Get in there, get yourself invested in and around Godly men… and maybe find yourself a wife through your church, eh!?

Church teaches us about marriage, and marriage teaches us about church. You understand a lot more about both of them when you’re doing both of them.

Lastly we end on some fun and semi-silly questions… because, why not!


You married or hoping to be? Please share with us what you liked, what you learned, and any additional thoughts you have!

If you’d love to join us in a future conversation, or have an idea you’d like to see the guys talk about, use the Join page or the Contact page or leave it in the comments below! Thanks so much!

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